Waving the White Flag

With all the busyness about getting engaged, and preparing for our marriage, There are some things that God's been laying on my heart, amidst tears, doubts, frustrations, and outbursts of rage.

1. Surrendering to God's will
How I believe I know better and I know what's best for my own life is a mystery.. The Expert of my life is the Creator of delicately designed microbes and biochemistry, great combusting balls of increasing entropy that we call stars in an unimaginably HUGE and unfathomable universe, HE IS YHWH;
and HE wants to shape and mould me into this unbelievable person that He has created me to be --- into HIS OWN LIKENESS!!! Why should I fight that? I feel like the shocking answer to that is that I don't trust Him, and to be honest, maybe I believe that He is out to make my life miserable.. Lie from hell identified.. now to unlearn that lie and live for truth ~ I don't know how..

2. The Laying of my life down for another..
Philippians 2:1-4
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

How can it be so hard to life for the joy of another, especially if he is one that i love dearly? The answer to that is only that I love myself so much more than that.. O Lord, destroy me and my skewed sense of what is good and replace it with your wisdom and your truth.. If there is one person that I want to bless with unfailing support, submission and devoted love, it would be Michael. I trust his relationship with you, and that he will love me as Christ loved the church, laying His life down for them.. and I want him to be confident of my relationship with you..

Lord, please draw me to you, for my strength can only come from you.. I am incapable of making the first move..