Sunday, March 29, 2009

Mark's favorite Quotes.



We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he can't imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. -C.S. Lewis


"I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit’s power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made--I’m a disciple of His. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my roads narrow, my way rough, my companions are few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me... my banner will be clear.” -A Zimbabwe Pastor’s Prayer – Martyred



Apostolic passion is a deliberate, intentional choice to live for the worship of Jesus Christ in the nations. -Floyd McClung

If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are no longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgrim, unattatched to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare to believe you may be given the privilege of dying to spread His fame on the earth. The Father's passions have become your passions. You find satisfaction and significance in Him. You believe He is with you always, to the end of life itself. You are sold out to God, and you live for the Lamb. Satan fears you, and the angels applaud you. Your greatest dream is that His name will be praised in languages never before heard in heaven. Your reward is the look of pure delight you anticipate seeing in His eyes when you lay at His feet and the just reward of His suffering: the worship of the redeemed. -Floyd McClung

Monday, March 23, 2009

najib will be PM

we are doomed

Sunday, March 22, 2009

response to the last blog post



Turn your eyes apon Jesus.
Look Full in His wonderful face
and the things on earth will grow strangely dim
in the light of His Glory and Grace

Friday, March 20, 2009

depression is a dark pit

I just spent the whole of today in my apartment and found my Hyde.. again..
This time she came full force, almost sucking the life out of me.

After a wonderful eventful 5 days out of town and always in good company (michael, anni, jeffrey and good friends here and there); i found myself alone and in no apparent need of company. I thought it would be good for me.

Apparently not.

Just as i zoned in on myself; having had ZERO time with God personally the whole week, Depressing thoughts entered my head:

* You're SO disgusting, and So careless and Spaz. your friends, once the find out who you are, they'll isolate you For SURE.
* You treat everything so casually. You don't even care about a single thing.
* You have no feelings. you dont even flinch at these thoughts.
* Esther, You are not good enough for anything. You cant even stay faithful to Jesus for a day. how pathetic.
* you cant even bring yourself to pick up your bible again. Sinner.
* and you call yourself a Christ follower.
* Missions? dont make me laugh.

Somehow, i am numbed to all these feelings. Like i always do i push them to a tiny corner of my head where it broods and grows and festers into something utterly messy that i dont want to deal with. EVER.

God help me.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

mixed feelings

Spring break is here! Say byebye to Snooo *yES!*

No school for 9 days! *HALLELUJAH!*

New sister in Christ *Qiaolin* ! I got to lead her through the prayer! *PRAISE GOD!*

Krystle's birthday.. frantically getting preparations done.. * so stress *

4 hours of sleep due to packing and cooking..

Celebrate Kryssie's surprise party.. 

Got to pack more.. but i'm procrastinating..  

Michigan in 1 day..

5 interviews in less than 48 hours..

meeting up with Wen Ken in a little more than 24 hours  
It'll be nice to see a 'DJ kaki' again .. 

I get to go on a road trip with Michael <3, Anni and Jeffery.
and sleep in the same hotel room.. (i dont know what to think about that :P)

7 more days and this illusion of spring break will be over..

Gahh..

Thursday, March 12, 2009

anita darrrrrrrrrling...

she makes the study of Arabic now..


and i am waiting for her to finish before we go to bed.

we just got back from the Rec about 45 minutes ago (what a work out!)

\\_.-,(^,^).-,_//

i'm so strong now!!!

Ahahahaahaaaaaa... its joke!

3 more days till Michigan interview and the Chicago road trip..

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..!!!

Friday, March 6, 2009

i hate myself..

This is the lie that i constantly hear nowadays. 

that I am stupid, and not up to par with my friends and classmates. 

Coming home from classes and crying because i couldnt understand the material in class. 
I dont want to be stuck in this rut. No MORE.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

correspondence..

Really, it looks like you are going steady with M already. What happened to the declaration you made before you left home "I will never fall for a white ." What made you changed your mind ? Think again and again because your mum and dad wouldn't want you to suffer from a dog's life because of puppy love.

what made me change my mind? i don't know. God? and M's love for Him? i guess what attracted me to him the most was his relationship with God and how he understood so well that everything in his life was created to be devoted to Him. 
the fact that he was pretty good-looking was a huge plus point.
I had been attracted to ALOT of guys here in the states who are REally goodlooking. but, our personalities didnt really match, we had different interests, the wavelengths didnt complement well. 

I have to say that if it werent for God, i would not have met M. Being on leadership also brought us closer together, cos then we're both being sharpened under the leadership of the church and sharpening one another as iron sharpens iron. he is a huge source of encouragement and i really grew alot in my relationship with God through alot of prayer , insight and encouragement from him.

i want to be honest with you with this.
If you are being worried for my life in terms of living a "dog's life":

worry no more. 

My life, everything i have ever learned since i was a child: i never had an ambition to live for the Lord. it was always my agenda or the agenda my parents had for me, i never knew any better. 

However, Now that i have found that there's such an opportunity to live for and serve the KING: i think that sounds like the best life prospect that i could ever have! It's all about HIM! 
even in the psalms they sing songs about GOD move your hand, vindicate me FOR YOUR GLORY's Namesake!
He calls us in the great commision: 
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.
He didnt say "maybe you should go". he said "GO"

But i dont go alone, He is with me Always.

i dont want my life to be about me and my comfort. 

if my life and Comfort are ruined for the sake of the gospel and brings glory to the Father, How amazing that would be! Praise Be to the LORD! 

Jesus died for me, the very most reasonable thing i could do is to offer up my life as a living sacrifice.(romans 12:1)

and If God's plans for me are for me to live in america and mobilize people and tell them about the opportunity to live for Christ, so be it. if it is to go home to malaysia, and work for Daddy, so be it. If it is to go to Africa and live amongst the poor villagers and help them with sanitation, teach them about agriculture and provide them a means to hear about and worship the KING, so be it. If it is to proclaim Christ's love for man to the enemies of God in sufferings, so be it.

1 Corinthians 9:19-23 : 
For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more; and to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, as under the law, that I might win those who are under the law; to those who are without law, as without law (not being without law toward God, but under law toward Christ), that I might win those who are without law; to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. Now this I do for the gospel's sake, that I may be partaker of it with you.

Whatever it takes, i want to be a part of God's tsunami wherever He may place me; I want to be a part of His work. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I want to jump into His yoke, and not strive in vain under my own.