The Right Kind of Help by Oswald Chambers.. well... i got a ton of that...

" The calling of a New Testament Worker is to expose sin and to reveal Jesus Christ as Savior. Consequently, he cannot always be charming and friendly, but must be willing to be stern to accomplish major surgery. We are sent by God to lift up Jesus Christ, not to give wonderfully beautiful speeches. We must be willing to examine others as deeply as God has examined us. We must also be sharply intent on sensing those Scripture passages that will drive the truth home, and then not be afraid to apply them."

Oswald Chambers also mentions that "our only priority must be to present Jesus Christ crucified - to lift Him up all the time (1 Corinthians 2:2)"

To incorporate all this into living in Christian hedonism.. one would almost think that it would be impossible... In thinking that.. that one probably has not given their all to Jesus Christ.. 

I am right now listening to the song "The Stand" and the Spirit led me to Isaiah 43.. it's just moved me to tears.. to know that the Lord still loves me.. in spite of all my shortcomings: 

My unfaithfulness, my sin, my futility of mind.. He declares: 

I created you, I formed you.. 

FEAR NOT! for I HAVE REDEEMED YOU! 

i have Summoned you by name

YOU ARE MINE!

He sees me and i am precious and honored in HIS sight! and all because...

He loves me

He gave Jesus in exchange for my life, 

and He calls me not to be afraid, and not to recall the things of the past..

 

See! He is doing a new thing.. He is blotting out my transgressions.. and He remembers my sin no more!

How can i nOT delight in His presence!?

Indeed the Lord has been good to me.. Jesus.. the Servant King.. ever loving, ever patient, ever merciful, ever gracious...

ever mine.. 

and i.. ever His..

His banner over me indeed is love..

I dont care that i took that totally out of context from Song of songs.. I Love Jesus! and i totally intend to marry him * :)

My guy friends all laugh at me when i say that.. But.. I really dont care! 

JESUS is My stud!

AND WHOEVER has a PROBLEM with that~ 

can just k*** ** a***

*gasp~

now.. let's not get too graphic over here... :)

But DANG! people!

Jesus is my own!

* well from where i left off just now before.. being totally undivided in glorying in the presence of Jesus.

 Anything and Everything i do... I DO it FOR JESUS!

the Essence of Christian Hedonism.. (by the way..EVERYONE  should read the book 'the Dangerous Duty of Delight by John Piper', it's AWESOME)

That should be the way things are done around these parts!!! Finding Joy in talking about the truth of Jesus Christ, 

I have a good example of this.. my friend Annabelle was talking about my boyfriend Michael's graduating with honors.. He graduated Magna Cum Laude which means he got a CGPA of 3.90 and above. And she told her parents that he graduated Summa Cum Laude, which is a CGPA of 3.7 to 3.9. I was So mAD! I ran out of my room and corrected her instantly!

I mean.. come on.. what is a grade point 0.2 difference!? 

it Really isnt a big deal..

Oh but was I MAD! 

But then as i reflected:

'Tis the same with Jesus.. 

Would you be mad if someone "compromised" the greatness of Our Lord?

Would we be totally Furious when someone downplays the Majesty of THE KING

Right now, in my current state of "spirituality", i know i wouldn't.. but i yearn to..  But Jesus Still loves me.. and He STILL whispers Isaiah 43 in my ears every morning when i wake up.. 

It is whether or not i choose to be still.. and listen to His gentle voice,

calling me by the endearments that He chose just for me..

He loves me, His mercies are new every morning.. 

And His faithfulness and Love, they know no end..

Amen.

the aftermath of last minute revision, stress induced insomnia and RockStar Pomegranate Energy Juice...

See? Still alive and cognitive!  ;)

Hmmm... My eye feels a little dry-ish though.. hmm...

WHOA!!!!! what is THAT!?

i'm Esther.. the Scarlet Eyed Monsterrrr... GARRRRRRRhhhh....

Yeahyeah... I will go to see a Doctor tomorrow.. :P

I wanted to be able to go right now though, BUT the school clinic's policy:

Make an appointment first, and your assigned Doctor should be in to treat you.

well.. mine assigned Doctor has NEVER treated me before.. every stinkin' time I go to the Thielen Health Center, I always get the On-Call doctor.. Grhh... So no one really is familiar with my health records here.. 

sighh...

So for now... I have to deal with the weird, unnaturally colored cornea... :(

the stares of students that walk past me,

and my classmates, in their own words:

"Esther, So the Pump Pressure in the MEB is.. Ughh! Don't look at me!" (Erwin)

"What's wrong with you eye? Ew... Go get it checked!" (Matt Stebbs)

"Oh wow, Esther, You even tried to match it with your clothes today (i had on a red hoodie and my black coat and red mitts)" (Matt Stebbs)

"You look scary." (Junko)

"Eeeyerrr... " (Sheau Ting)

Ahhh, College... 

O me of little faith...

Hear my cry O God
(even though I cry not);

Attend to my prayer
(I need YOU near).

From the end of the earth I will cry to You
(Teach me to cry out to YOU, for YOU are mighty to save).

When my heart is overwhelmed

( with homework and not being able to excel in school ),

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
( Let me abide in YOU and Your promises alone )

For YOU have been a shelter for me
(i still got an internship with my bad grades, my worth is in YOU, and i am still loved)

A strong tower from the enemy
(who tells me lies that i believe in. refresh me with truth)

(YOU are my worth, I am not found worthy because of who I am or what I have accomplished for YOU O GOD give all men life an breath and everything elze)

I will abide in Your tabernacle Forever
( how i Long for YOUr kingdom to come in my Heart)

I will trust in the Shelter of Your wings

( I'm a Doubting Thomas, O me of little faith, why do you doubt?
May i decrease and YOU increase O LORD)

For YOU O God, have heard my vows

(I am sanctified by YOUR grace alone, not by works but by YOUR Blood)
( I want to Love you and surrender my all to YOU)

YOU have given me the heritage of those who fear YOUR name.

YOU will prolong the king's life

( You will give me good things all the days of my life for YOU are good to me).

His years as many generations.

He shall abide before God forever
(O that i may be able to do that)

OH prepare Mercy and Truth, which may preserve him!

( Lord be merciful to a sinner like me)

So I will sing to YOUR name FOREVER,

that I may daily perform my vows.

May the Lord be blessed Forever.. He is King

Suddenly, I look up and you're almost gone.

I feel like time passes by too fast..

it was Michael's 23rd Birthday today and we celebrated him with his family..

We had a yummy lunch at The Café and then took his cousin Tressa for a campus tour (it started snowing); and then we passed by the Reiman Gardens (it's a campus park), and we decided to go in and visit the Butterfly Park (yes, we have a Butterfly conservatory, and it's free :P)

It was awesome beautiful! The cousins and Grandma Jan left shortly after, and it was a prayer & scripture read pre-siesta time for Michael and I..

Then, we went on a 1-on-1 date at The Broiler with good, succulent steak and then a movie afterward on my wonderful cable TV..

We watched Father of the Bride.. and it just hit me, literally, I felt the emotion collide with my brain like a MAC truck..

Michael is graduating in 3 weeks.. and he would leave Iowa State FOREVER! 

and I wouldn't be able to spend Whole days with him anymore.. i was so overwhelmed ( and so emo-ed, i burst into tears.. ) but I know for SURE,

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

and I know, the LORD is watching, and 

All things work together for good for those who love HIM. 

So I wait for HIM to make All things Beautiful in HIS time, though it may involve a little bit of heartache here and there.. My Hope is in the LORD..

and so there's no talk about deferred hope making ill the heart.. *ideally*

So We keep our eyes focused on Father, and cherish each other's company and time while we still have it.. 

3 more sweet weeks of bumping into him on campus <3 

Michael mon cherí.. 

I like you!

When faced with Trials from without

Or tempted from Within,

Rely on the LORD for strength

To turn away from sin.

-Sper

Perfecting the art of

Chicken and Potato in Oyster sauce 

I have gotten the perfect recipe! Just how mommy makes it *yummm*

You have no idea how many failures i had, burnt/overcooked chicken, undercooked potatoes, too salty, too bland, weird chicken taste... and now FINALLY!

1 pound chicken ( like 2 thighs/ 3 drumsticks/ 2 whitemeats)

marinate for 10 minutes with oyster sauce( 3 tablespoons) soysauce ( 2 table spoons), and a dash of " mm heong fun (5-spice powder)"*agak-agak la*

in a pot,

saute´ minced garlic and 2cm cinnamon stick, half a star anise, thin ginger slices( i put like 4 slices) and 4 cloves.

Add cubed potatoes (1 large potato) fry awhile

then add the chicken and marinade (add a little water)

let cook till potatoes are soft/chicken is cooked( dont overcook), and take out for eat! 

Oh my gosh.. 

SO goood!

Serves one Esther.. 

*hehehe...*

Listen and be Still before Him.

Search me O Lord and know my heart,

Try me and Know my anxieties,

See if there is any wicked way in me,

And Lead me in the way everlasting.