You didn't care enough to remember

Today, a very dear and old friend rebuked me for not remembering things he had updated me about a couple weeks before. At first, I was really taken aback,"Is he being sarcastic? OMG, I think he's serious!" And he was.. The conversation took an awkward turn -- me, apologizing for hurting his feelings, and him, somewhat pointedly telling me again what he's up to these days.. and boy, is he having a hard time..

I was deeply hurt that he said that to me -- mostly shocked.. I haven't had some one that close to me rebuke me so pointedly and forthrightly for a long time (maybe never)... Most people are a little more careful with their choice of words and gentility of relating the rebuke, and even if they weren't -- they'd have had my permission to be frank with me.

Sure I was upset, but more crucially, I was alarmingly disappointed at the deterioration of my social abilities. After my friend's rant, I was completely unable to jump back into conversation like normal with him -- my heart kept palpitating and my spirit was disturbed within me. I started to judge him -- "Maybe he's having a hard time, and he's just being bitter towards me" -- "Dear God please heal his hurts"; "Dear Jesus, please teach him to speak with grace as You have given grace"; "God, remove whatever bitterness is in his heart and replace it with Your love.." -- This is where I stopped myself..

WHAT A HYPOCRITE I AM!!! and where do all these terrible thoughts come from!?

Instead of loving my brother and praying over him, I was internally judging him and trying to get God on my side by "praying". I just then realized what a vengeful and terrible girl I was -- and How Great God is for loving me. There is much work to be done in my person and by His grace, I shall grow out of this.

Dear Jesus, Teach me how to love You and how to love others so that I may glorify Your Name. Amen.

must.. finish.. se..n..te..nce....

takes a deeep breath... and... *EXPLODES in RANT*

It's RIDICULOUS how tired one can be after 8 hours of sitting down at a desk staring at a computer.. I mean, we hardly ever move at all!? Hypothesis: The computer is an energy sapping magical creature, with the same affinity to tired eyes and carpal tunnel syndrome as a zombie is to brains..

All joking aside though.. there IS a reason I get paid every 28th of the month - part of it is to possess the ability to stay awake after lunch..

Don't get me wrong ~ I kinda like my job.. and am SUPER thankful for it.. BUT seriously.. we kiasu Asians need to learn some lessons from the Spaniards, namely - allocating Siesta time for employees..

an Awake and chipper employee is 100% - undoubtedly - more resourceful to the company than one who is struggling to stay awake, regardless of the copious amounts of coffee consumed..

end of rant..

phOoohh... I feel so much better now.. now off to bed again (at the ungodly hour of 9pm) before the rat race begins again tomorrow..

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Recent Lessons from Jesus

1. I am not a project - God does not want to fix me.

2. God is not disappointed in me. I bring Him joy.

3. What I do when I have no free time dictates my actions when I DO have free time - i.e. reading the Bible.

4. Spending time in God's word during the good times build up a good habit of walking with Him, and during bad times, staying in the Word helps us build our muscles of faith.

5. When we pray fervently in unity, it pleases God, and His presence will manifest ( not always noticeable when it happens, but you'll always feel it in hindsight )

6. God is a God of Justice. There are many battles that He fought in the OT, and He will continue to do so today.

7. Truth ≠ fact. Truth is from the word of God and is eternal; fact is what you see in the here and now.

My Savior, Redeemer, the Greatest who made Himself the least. My GOD the JUDGE.

He came to die for such as these:

Romans 1:28-32 (excerpt)
..they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind... filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity... full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice... gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy.

In the world today, I can think of a few examples of these, one of them being the most recent case - Kill teams in Afghanistan:

My GOD, My GOD, how far we have fallen from grace.

What mercy, what love, what sacrifice. To take on the sins of these soldiers. To exchange righteousness, and innocence for such violence and bloodshed.

But one day,

MY GOD WILL ARISE, and JUDGE the World.

and
evil
will
be
no
more.

Worship

It seems so far away,
The thought of suffering, hunger and need.
Lord, we're so comfortable.
They're only pictures on the TV screen.
Oh, we fast but we know we can eat the next day
and we travel to church in a car.
There are carpets to comfort our knees as we pray
and no danger in being what we are.

Are my praises so loud
That they drown out the cries?
Do I fail to stoop down
Because my hands are raised too high?
Are my eyes shut so tight
When I pray I won't see?
Am I worshiping God for only me?

You say that worshiping, Lord,
is more like something I should do with my life.
Not just at Sunday school.
No Lord, you're calling me to put these things right.
There are hungry to feed.
I have so much to spare.
For the naked and downtrodden too.
So much hurting around me.
Please help me to care.
Lord I want to start worshiping you.

You make me shine like the sun
and your glory will shelter me.
When I cry out, you come.
You restore me Lord.
Setting me free.

the eternal standards.

It takes more guts, effort, and greatness to:

- apologize and give in rather than to insist upon your own way
- be a servant, rather than to be served
- humble oneself rather than to elevate
- silence yourself rather than to insist on your opinion
- submit to authority rather than to assume authority
- forgive rather than keep a grudge
- initiate at the risk of getting embarrassed/hurt rather than to wait for someone else to start the ball rolling
- love unconditionally instead of being expectant of the rewards of my efforts
- pray for someone's happiness rather than to covet or harbor jealousy

MATTHEW 20:25-28
But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”

Song(s) of the Moment:
Lord of Lords ( Hillsong United )
Worship (produced by Shirley Booth)